I have been dreading having to type up this post. I don't think it was too little, but it was definitely too late. I had the HARDEST time getting back off those sugars, and back to the foods I need to be eating. I put off really doing it until Monday, and when I stepped on the scale that day, I knew it was too late. I had gained 2.6 pounds from Thursday to Monday. :( So, even though I went back to exercising everyday, doing my 4-5 mile walking videos, and eating healthy foods again; I am still looking at a one pound gain this morning. :'( Seeing 191 again, is so disheartning, when I want to be 183 right now.
I have to tell you though, I'm still super glad that I have my 30x30 birthday goal. I am the kind of person that NEEDS a goal, and something to strive for, or I feel like I'm just aimlessly floating in space. We have goals for our daily schoolwork, and housework. We have weekly, bi-weekly, monthly and yearly financial goals. We have all kinds of goals! I need them, and so does my husband. So even though I am now 7.2 lbs behind on my goal, it motivates me to push forward. Without that goal, I'm afraid I wouldn't strive so hard to keep going. Whether I actually make it or not, it's keeping me moving in the right direction!
This leads me to share the brutally honest truth with you, for my own benefit, and maybe someone out there reading will benefit too. Lysa TerKeurst said in a Webcast session a couple nights ago, that if we aren't brutally honest with others, we can't be honest with ourselves. So, the truth is...I have learned that I have a true sugar addiction. It's not just that I enjoy eating sweets, or they make me happy, or that I just LOVE food. No, I have extremely unhealthy all out CRAVINGS for sugar. Mental and physical. I am also an emotional eater. I would eat when I was happy, eat when I was sad, eat when I was frustrated, mad, lonely, board, etc. Food was my comfort. And that food was always sugar based. I've never ran to a salad to ease my frustration! lol!
When I started this journey in July, I made the commitment to cut out all sugar and caffeine for 30 days. I spend the first 3 days on the couch, unable to participate in life. It took a week to really fully come around. That says something! Those first three weeks were the hardest weeks of my life. I was constantly battling cravings for soda, sweets, and pizza! There were times that I had to go to bed at 7:30 because I was miserable over not being able to fulfill those desires, and I coudn't stand being awake to bear it anymore. After that first month was over, it got much easier. Medical science now shows that there is a true chemical addiction, and MRI's show the reactions in the brain. It takes weeks to months to rewire our brains to have our pleasure sensors function as they should, but it only takes 1 week of eating poorly to rewire them back. :(
When I went to Tahoe for my cousin's wedding, I had no choice but to eat some sugars and unhealthy foods, or starve. There was no menu, there was eat this, or go hungry. That's all it took to throw me off. I had a 25 pound weight loss when I went, and by the time I had been home for 3 weeks, I had gained 5 of that back. I could not get back to eating right. I couldn't give up that sugar. That's when I started my 30 x 30 goal to get me back on track. 30 more pounds off by my 30th birthday. Today, I am still 14.6 pounds into that goal, and I'm proud of that!! The fact that I have still managed to go 6 months without a single soda of coffee, gives me great assurance in myself, that I can do this for the rest of my life! I just have to stay away from sugar. For me, it's not something that can be in my life.
All it took was 5 days of my parents being here for Christmas, and all of us eating cookies and such, to throw me off again. I was actually ahead of schedule on my 30x30 goal when they got here, and now I am 7.2 pounds behind. All because once I have sugar, I can't let go of it. I will say though, that even though it was still hard, this time was easier than the previous times, so I think my body is really making progress. My mind too. Instead of gaining all the weight back, or 5 pounds back, I've only gained 1. For me, sugar is a big no no. I can't have one brownie and be okay. Just like an alcoholic can't have one drink and be okay. Everybody's journey is different.
God has been teaching me that so much of this journey is about submission to Him, and not just losing weight. I've lost lots of weight in the past, just eating to lose weight, not eating to be healthy, and not eating to please Him. It's never been the way to go. Each choice I make with my food an exercise is about submitting to God's will for my life, and putting my body and mind in a position where it is fit to serve Him. What has really helped me since Monday, is praying before EVERYTHING I eat. When I thank God for the food I'm about to eat, and ask Him to help it to nourish me to good health, and fuel my body to serve Him, and my family....well you can just imagine what though runs through the mind if I am praying this over a cookie! ;) I hand it to one of the kids and I grab something else. I have forgotten a couple times. It's hard to remember when just grabbing a string cheese out of the fridge, but I think with repitition, it will become a lifelong habbit. I am learning to look at food as fuel. Fuel to help me carry out God's will for my life. Not as comfort, not as pleasure. God is our comfort, our family is our pleasure! :)
I am looking forward to EXCELLENT numbers next week! Pray for me! I got in my Shaklee vitamins yesterday, and I am SO INCREDIBLY excited to finally be taking them! I've wanted them for over 2 years. Ever since I tried their cleaning products, and fell in love with them. I just couldn't see spending that kind of money on vitamins when I wasn't putting much effort towards eating healthy or exercising. So, please come back next week, and I will have GOOD results for you!!!